Rampant Rapture

Okay, so I am at my friend's graduation party and I am sitted next to a beautiful couple. Apparently I can eavesdrop their conversation which is full of love confession to each other.

However, there's one bit of their conversation that raises my eyebrows, where the girl says, 'The man who will marry me must never ever negotiate the bride price my parents will set for him. I don't want to be given out cheaply!"

She continues, "and he definitely must walk me down the isle in a breathtaking damn expensive wedding..a wedding that will be the talk of the town and later take me to a prestigious place for honeymoon!"

So, I sat there giving glares at the 'beautiful' couple. I realized the face of the man had changed but he gave fake smiles. He grabbed a half glass of whiskey and consumed it all at once. "Sweetheart are you alright?" The lady asked. Without even thinking about it, the lad answered, "yes am okay...this chicken stew is extremely delicious. Isn't it?Try some more!!

Upto this moment the guy hadn't realized I was seated close enough to hear the conversation which I foresaw ending badly. To my surprise, the girl had not also ascertained the detriment of her statement. "Yes it's yummy, I will have some more. Kindly pass me some chilly." She said but this time also giving me some glares, and guess what, our eyes locked! Tarang tarang!!! I immediately looked at my plate innocently as the good lad I am, only to realize I was left with soup on it, but due to the tense moment which was full of suspense on what was going to happen next, I was forced to retreave back on my seat and be part of this historic love moment. Then came the bombshell of the century.

"The lucky girl who will qualify to win my heart, be my wife and mother to my beautiful children must be a hero of simplicity, ready to understand my weakness as I will too to her, and maximize my strength as I doubled hers. She must be the true definition of humility. A wedding will come later if and when God allows!!!!! ....Boom!!

Hehe...there was a grave silence that even I was blown up by that magnanimous, bold and unexpected counter. I didn't know whether to laugh or feel proud and shake the hand this dude in a luhya way!! But I took my phone, pretended to be smiling at a text..but indeed, the point was nicely and safely delivered back to the sender.

"Are you alright sweetheart? The man asked.

Chapter Two

Just as Stella was excusing herself, Peter stood up, watched as Stella and the gentleman walk away in disbelief. He grabbed another glass, it was empty, grabbed the whiskey bottle, it was empty. "Damn, more whiskey please!" He shouted, forgetting that was not a club but a graduation party. In the background, there was the 'wamlambez' song playing. It was as if the DJ was also part of the unfolding drama "Bro," Peter now turned to me, "don't pretend you haven't been listening to our conversation, I know you have. My good brother please try and put yourself in my shoe what would you have done?" I pretended not to listen and all that could linger in my head was the Uliza kiatu song.
"Hey man," he shouted. "Uliza kiatu!" I found myself shouting back at him. "Oh, sorry bro, my mind was very far, I was actually thinking of how I can approach that beautiful lady over there.What was your question again?"

He looked at me, from my toes and there, he didn't continue going up because I was putting on open shoes or should I call them floaters which were worth Ksh 200. When I looked at his feet, he was putting on smooth leather shoes that I estimated to be approximately Ksh 3500. I didn't care, in fact I wondered whether they were borrowed shoes because they didn't really match him by way of his representation. But again I had so much pity for him. He walked towards the direction his 'girlfriend ' had gone but hurriedly returned to his seat.

"My friends warned me against this girl but I just couldn't listen. " he said while scratching his head. "Do you love her?" I asked him."what, ofcourse I love that girl. I can do anything and everything for her. Dying for her is not a choice for me but a reason for my love to her. I love this girl bro" He affirmed." Then go for her!" I told him in a voice that seemed to be mature and wiser than I appeared.
"But she has been taken by that guy, I can't just walk to her and get her back."

"Then you don't really love her and I doubt if you're really disturbed by her being taken away by her ex-boyfriend." I answered him but I honestly couldn't believe I was the one advising the poor dude on matters of love when I myself didn't have a lady of my own.Walking upto a lady and confessing my undying love to her was like asking a litigation lawyer to solve a calculus mathematical problem using standard deviation method. Or rather asking a CRE teacher to balance a simple chemical equation. For instance, there was a lady who had given me glares right from the beginning of the party, but all I could do in return was to blush and curse myself why I couldn't just gather tge courage and look right back at her. And indeed she was seated at an adjacent table but oh no! This boychild could not just say a simple hi! Here I was giving advise. Tufyakwa! This was big wahala!

But then, an idea struck me. A stupid idea which I foolishly thought could help this gentleman. So I idiotically called him, "Hey, but it's not all lost, you know where I come from, we believe ukinipa shilingi, nakurudishia thumuni."
"What do you mean by that?" He foolishly asked as if I had asked him to find the value of X.
"You want to show this lady you are unshaken by her action right?" He agreed but I actually didn't give him a disclaimer of digging two graves before embarking on that painful journey of revenge. I assumed he comprehended the norms of the game. So after advising him what he was supposed to do, he agreed and indeed shook my hand just as I had earlier own wished. It was as if I had strategised a BBI idea for him but fortunately for me, there was no one to critize it before implementing the idea.

Peter walked to the lady who had been giving me glances and asked her to move closer and sit next to me. I had to gather courage to help a brother. I could not just sit there and fold my hands as my fellow boychild was being humiliated. So yes!I had to stand up for the boychild! I had to gather all the courage I needed and immediately search for words to seduce this lady. Oh dear Lord, when this lady begun to walk, it was as if angel Gabriel was walking towards Joseph to deliver the good news about the coming of Jesus Christ. Her beauty went beyond any scale of measure, any attempt to weigh her on any scale would leave your weighing machine broken. She was a true definition of beauty and beyond any description.

"Hi, how are you?" She said as she sat down.
I answered back as I glanced at Peter who winked at me in return. "Ok, I am Nelson and this is my friend Clinton, sorry he's Peter." I said as I automatically displayed my idiotic state of confusion. Soon Peter tapped on my toes with his legs and he took over.
"What's your name beautiful?" He asked as he gave a killer smile that made me feel some elements of jealous. " Am Brenda and thanks for inviting me over your table Nelson." Okay, I was a little bit shocked but enthused by her answer. Peter just asked her a question but she directed her answer to me. Wow..what a paradox this was going to be.
But then before I could finish celebrating, Peter showcased his prowess in winning and wooing a lady. "I love your smile, in fact it's so natural and magical. They say love is blind but I can see in your eyes the perfect spects of blessings that are going to culminate both our lives into a palatial destiny full of prosperity!"

These words made me remain silent, not to utter anything but shUtter my mouth and leave the game to the player. So just like Stella had done earlier, I excused myself and pretended to have a phone call which was fake. I moved to the space which Brenda had previously occupied as the two continued to laugh and touch each other's hands. The lady had completely forgotten that she was interested in me by being carried away by the sweet words that were vibrantly vibrating from Peter's mouth. In a few minutes, she had moved closer to him and occupied Stella's position. Peter was so happy.

Perhaps it was time to remind Peter that his lady was outside. But before I could raise my legs towards them, Stella was already at the table.
"What are you doing with my sister?"..

Chapter Three

"What are you doing with my sister"
That question hit me more hard than it hit Peter. An idea that I thought would work so well to hit back at Stella had just turned into a disaster. But then, I never imagined the beautiful girl (Brenda) who I apparently thought had fallen for me would be the sister to Stella's ex-boyfriend.

"Dude, what are you doing with my damn sister?" The man who I thought was gentle unleashed his wrath. " I am sorry it was....it was..." stammered Peter. " It was what you imbecile!" Stella cheaped in with anger.She was trembling. Her legs were vibrating so fast, one would think there was a posho mill beneath her feet.

"It was the devil! Said Peter in a frail tone, "did you just invoke the devil in this? Why do you men always accuse the devil when caught cheating? Do you think the devil himself would take the responsibility?" Added Stella.

" Stella, is this the excuse of a man you left me for, how could stoop so low!" Rambled the man.
"I just left a few minutes to have a chat with my ex-boyfriend and...!" Apiaaaa!! Peter rained on Stella with a thunderous slap that arose the attention from the people around. The pandora box had been opened. I think it will take ages for her to erase that action. "You slapped me you idiot." Stella cried out loud. " And I will do it again and again." Replied Peter but this time, his eyes were turning red and growing bigger. " Hey, you fool, you realize that's my ex-girl you just slapped." The man shouted while trying to slap Peter, but before his hand could land on him, Peter held his arm. " Try that again na utajua wewe ni matuta. Mjinga wewe, Nugu!"

Gripped with fear, the gentleman took his sister and tried to escape but Brenda declined to leave and rather claimed she wanted to remain with Peter. It had turned into the clash of the titans. " what are you doing? Let's go." Cried the gentleman. "No, am not leaving, if you must leave then go." Answered Brenda.Mmmm! The story had just taken a tremendous and interesting turn.
This was the best news because I knew Brenda had decided to remain with me after seeing that Peter wasn't the man to be with of course after the unfortunate incident with Stella.
" You want to remain, why?" Shouted the man. " I want to be with Peter!!!" Said Brenda while holding him on his wrist and chest. "What!?" Exclaimed Stella in a precarious state of mind. "Yes my dear, you have just showcased your irresponsibility and inability to take care of this wonderful, handsome and charming guy and decided to go back to my dear brother William. My dear, I thought you had already read this book and exhausted all the chapters. If you want to re-read it again, then it's upto you, but I guess you already know how the story ends..Perhaps with you in tears and agony. Tulus!!

These words slapped me more than they hit both the gentleman and Stella. There I was thinking and totally convinced that Brenda had remained to be with me, but hell No! Peter was the lucky man. It was actually my ever first time to feel jealous. But now, what could I have done? Of course nothing but just sit and be part of the audience to the soap opera. Maybe Alejandro and Lorenzo would reach at a concession on who to take Camila.

Stella on the other hand was still trying to gather strength to wake up from the physical slap from Peter and now the psychological bombshell from Brenda. "Brenda, you cannot do this..this man is an animal, a devil for that matter." Pleaded the man.
"You two are the devils incarnate, get out of my way, Peter my darling, let's go." Brenda said as she held Peter's hand and disappeared through the exit. I couldn't believe that chance had escaped me. I had her right under my nose but no, I couldn't just do a simple honour of expressing my sensational feelings to her.

But again I was not badly hurt like Stella was, she picked her bag, looked at the gentleman who was trying to offer his hand but she ignored him and left him in diverstating limbo. Everyone was looking at the gentleman who was left hands at a kimbo, his eyes glued on the ground and his left leg tapping the floor in a rhythm.

I stood up, grabbed a glass of whiskey walked to the man, looked at him in his useless wrinkled round face, drank the whiskey, patted him on his back, and then walked to my friend who had graduated with a bachelor degree in law, passed my congratulatory message and took an uber to my home.